Clay in the Hands of the Potter

The Trust Project ♦ July 15, 2021 ♦ Leave a comment

” ‘Indeed, like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, house of Israel.'”-Jeremiah 18:6

Friends, it has been far too long since I’ve posted here–about one year, to be exact. Now it’s not like I didn’t have a good reason…we bought our first home last June, closed on it in July, moved at the end of August, and I had my second son (our fourth child here on earth) in October. But through it all I feel like God has been calling me back to this, and I’ve wondered what has kept me away so long. In late spring, early summer of last year, I had come across Jeremiah chapter 18 in my daily readings, which talks about the potter and the clay. At that time, I was struck with inspiration about the reading which I felt called to discuss, but that thought has since left me. Recently I was thinking about this scripture reference again, and a different perspective came to me, one I feel even more compelled to share. But before I begin, I must take you back a bit in my story to last summer and fall.

Those of you who know my story or have read my miscarriage journey on this website know that before my husband and I conceived in February of 2020, we tragically lost our set of identical twins around 11 weeks gestation. To say that we were devastated is a gross understatement. I was crushed in spirit, struggling in my faith to understand why God would allow us to lose yet another pregnancy, and why He would ask me again to surrender not only one, but two more unique and beautiful souls to heaven. After our loss of the twins in September of 2019, I felt God calling me to a deeper, more radical level of trust and abandonment to His will than ever before. It was out of my pain and heartbreak of losing the twins that The Trust Project was born. I felt called to share our story with the world, but moreover to share with others that trusting God completely and totally brings with it a profound sense of freedom, even in the midst of pain and suffering. Our journey together as a married couple has been full of these trust moments, some of which I will revisit and share with you at a different time. But for now, let’s rewind back to June 2020.

Through a series of different events, it became apparent to my husband and I that my job as a musician, youth minister, and PSR teacher (which I had held for almost four years) was coming to a close. We had begun the process of pre-approval for a mortgage in January of 2020, and started scoping out areas in which we might want to live that were closer to my husband’s job in St. Louis. But try as we might, when looking at these different areas, we were repeatedly out priced for the size and type home we were looking for. After many days and nights of unsuccessful searching and a few house showings that didn’t work out, we began to wonder if we were truly called to move closer to St. Louis. As soon as we considered the possibility of staying closer to where we currently live, we felt peaceful and more options began to present themselves. However, after a couple of promising options fell through (including an offer that was not accepted), we began to wonder if we were supposed to move at all (even though we had been feeling the pull to move for several months). After another day of what seemed like fruitless home searching, my husband exclaimed “I found it! I found the home we’ve been looking for!”

After going to look at what is now our current home, we both felt we had indeed found the home we had been searching for. From the time of our offer to the closing of our home, there were countless instances where our contract should have fallen apart; yet miraculously, God kept answering our prayers in unexpected ways. We live in an old home, and older homes come with a certain level of TLC. Right out of the gate, we asked for multiple repairs to be made and/or finished…the seller accepted our offer AND agreed to make all of the repairs listed. After having a thorough home inspection completed, more problems were revealed, particularly with the electrical system. When we learned that the electrical repairs needed would be to the tune of several thousand dollars, we again asked for compensation to complete the necessary repairs and the seller agreed to give us the money to complete the scope of the work (which was quite comprehensive and vast). Finally, when we thought we were through some of the biggest hurdles, a plumbing inspection revealed a break in an outside lateral line. Being in a financial situation that didn’t allow us to spend our own money to fix the problem, we once more asked the seller for funds to repair the lateral line and she AGREED. Our real estate agent was beyond baffled…she told us more than once that things like this DO NOT happen in normal contracts. So you can bet by the time we hit our closing date, we felt more than confident that God had taken care of us yet again and had answered our prayers in countless ways.

Completing a move with three small children while I was in the third trimester of my pregnancy was not ideal, but somehow we got through it. October came around, and I could feel the time was getting close to have our son, even though my due date was not until early November. Near the end of my 37th week/beginning of my 38th week, my water broke somewhat unexpectedly. Even though we weren’t totally prepared to go to the hospital yet, I threw my bag together fairly quickly and made it there in time. It had been my prayer throughout this pregnancy that my doctor would be able to deliver our baby; she has never delivered any of my living children because she was not on call when they were born. When I got to the hospital that evening, I found out she was indeed on call-another answered prayer. Early the next morning, our son Timothy was born, delivered by my doctor. God is so good!

Shortly after his birth, when I was reflecting on things in my heart, the experience became even more profound. The day I went in for my second sonogram with the twins (to essentially confirm they were gone), I kept hearing in my head “Joy will come in the morning.” I didn’t quite know what to make of that, because I knew my twins were already with Jesus. But after having Timothy, I realized he was born bright and early on a Sunday morning, the Lord’s day. Joy had indeed come in the morning. Later in the day, I was looking up Saint feast days for October 25 (something I like to do for all of my children to see who they share a feast day with). Again, I was not prepared for what I found. October 25–Timothy’s birthday– is the feast day of two twin brothers, Crispin and Crispinian. I was in awe of God and his ways; throughout my pregnancy, I continually felt that my twins had wanted me to know that their life and death was a part of God’s plan for their brother to be here…now I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt.

During the middle of December, I put in my two weeks notice with the church. The need for me to be home full time had become even more pronounced since Timothy’s birth, and we felt peace with our decision. Feeling confident that my husband’s salary increase would cover my lack of income, we forged ahead into a new year. Then, at the end of January, my husband was laid off for what was supposed to be a period of a few weeks. However, weeks turned into months, and his layoff continued through April. Amazingly, God provided enough side work during the layoff period to keep us afloat. I bother to mention these details because I feel they not only illustrate God’s providential care for His children, but also His continued desire to place me and my husband in situations that require an extraordinary amount of trust. My continued prayer since I began this blog (and really since God placed me on this path of living a deeper, more radical abandonment to His will) is that God would be glorified through the sharing of our lives, our story, and our experiences with others.

Jeremiah too was a prophet that was called to bring God’s message to others, often at the expense of His own reputation and welfare. When God called Him down to the potter’s house, He asked Him to observe the potter at work on his wheel. ” I went down to the potter’s house and there he was, working at the wheel. Whenever the vessel of clay he was making turned out badly in his hand, he tried again, making another vessel of whatever sort he pleased. Then the word of the LORD came to me: ‘Can I not do to you, house of Israel, as this potter has done?–oracle of the LORD. Indeed, like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, house of Israel.'” -Jeremiah 18: 3-6

How many times, friends, have we tried to fight the potter? How many times have we struggled and resisted against something that we didn’t want to happen, or tried to force something to happen that wasn’t meant to be? Think about what would happen if the clay did fight the potter; if it had a mind of its own to say “I don’t want to be made into a pot, I want to be made into a vase, so you’ll make me into a vase no matter what!” Just as the potter sometimes has to bring the clay back to a shapeless heap on the wheel in order to make something more seamless and beautiful, so too does the LORD have to bring us low sometimes before He can turn us into a vessel that is more useful, lovely, and designed for a specific purpose. When we allow ourselves to be molded and shaped by the master, trusting that His loving hands will provide for our needs and bring us through whatever challenges we are facing, we are one step closer to becoming the beautiful, useful vessel that God intends for us to be. But we have to be pliant and malleable like the clay, willing to be shaped and formed according to His design, even when we cannot discern from our human perspective what He is creating.

Every so often, we should probably ask ourselves the question, “Am I soft and suppliant clay, ready to be used by the potter to become something beautiful according to His plan and purpose, or am I dry and hardened clay, unwilling or unable to be formed or changed into something new”? The potter by himself cannot create a vessel without the clay, and the clay is unable to be transformed without the assistance of the potter. But when the two work together, a masterpiece can be created. Lord, help me to continue to trust that you are the good potter, and that your handiwork is better and more lovely than anything I could create on my own!